I find that no matter how hard I look for myself
I always end up in the same place
More tangled up in me
More engulfed by my own insecruities
More swallowed by my own fears
And more drownded in my own sorrow
When all I thought that I wanted
Was to be touched
I just wanted for someone to pull the reigns of my heart
And hold me in their arms
But if I have found anything
It is this...
That I need to be held
And I need to be touched
But I cannot be reached through human feeling
Nerves
Skin on Skin
Hands
I need words
I need you to whisper in my ear
I need you to write
I need you to write down on a page
Exactly what you think
Exactly what you feel
All of those emotions
All that burns inside you
...And breath...
Breath them into me like the wind
Like the breeze
Like air to my lungs
It helps me live
It is my life
That alone is what I live for
And that alone is what I die for
Just you and your words
Just you and your flowered phrases
In my mind
In my heart you grow
And I see you!
And I know you!
And I feel you!
But you aren't there...
Your face just grows here
While I grow here as well
I am the product of your love
I am the essense of your words
And you are the essense of my thoughts
And desires
And love...

Chris,
I can see it.
I can see the waves.
I find myself now, sitting, staring, for the past five minutes or so at this...
I look beyond the blinds and I look beyond the trees, and I can see it.
It is so surreal. So unnatural. Like it's not even there. Like I am the only one in this room that can see it.
It is funny to me how people can see things, that others cannot.
Now it won't go away, and it is captivating. Looking beyond aspects of life, circumstances, realities, is so intriguing.
I love it.
And it won't go away...

Ich schließe meine Augen. Zu entgehen. Aber wenn meine Augen geschlossen werden, sehe ich ihr Gesicht. Im Auge meines Gemüts. Sie verlassen nie mich. Abwesenheit macht das Herz zärtlicher wächst. Es ist wahr...

Der ikke er noen smerte som vÆrer stor i liv. Men I kan kan drømme. Og I kankan føle. Og tror megmin kjærlighetI gråter. Fordi det skader derfor mye innsiden...to vet at I ikke kan kan holde De i mine armer. Det er all I behov. Det er all I ønske. Deres kropp ved siden av min. Deres berøring. Deres ord. Hvisk dem inn i mitt øre. Fordi De smelter meg. De smelter meg.

I don't understand why I realize that I have so very much work to do, and yet I still find myself here...bloggin' it up. So, l find that I am not very good at reading poetry to a large crowd of people. I actually have realized that when I have to read anything in front of a mass of people, I choke up for the most part and shake uncontrollably. Which is disheartening. The only aspect of my writing that allows me to actually speak, is the passion behind the poem. I thoroughly enjoyed my poems though, and I hope that everyone else did as well. It is very hard to read something that is so dear to my heart in from of your friends. I felt exposed...vulnerable. That poem was my heart...on a sheet of paper. Nothing that should be taken so lightly.

On a lighter topic-

Way to not come to the library, Chris. I stood outside the door for literally about 5 minutes, just staring at you...waiting for you to look over so that I could tell you to come down to the library. But you just sat there staring, looking tired, and fatigued. Not to mention bored. Actually, to be honest, you looked very deep in thought. Like you were pondering something serious. Hence, why I didn't say your name for a while. Lindsay Boltz now officially thinks that I am crazy. She kept staring at me...and then staring at you...and back to me. It was humorous.

Side note...

This girl that I don't really know just walked past me and said, "Your hair is so pretty." Then she grabbed a lock of it, and left me rather frightened. You would think that I might be used to it by now...but no... The other day I was in the bathroom, and I was looking in the mirror, and this girl just came over, touched my hair, and said, "So, ya, have you ever cut your hair? Why is it so long? Was it ever short?" Talk about unnerving. Nobody's safe these days. Nobody I tells ya!
Anyhow, Lauren's birthday is this weekend, and whosoever of you reads this must know that we have to do something for her. Misty wanted to take her out to dinner on Saturday, I believe. So, any-a yous guys who wants to come...do. Actually, call me, and we will figure something out.

Another side note-

I hate scrunchies. They irritate me like mad...

Anyhow, yes, this Saturday - be there. I think that Misty wanted to take her to Chi-Chi's. It will be Chi-chi-a-rific!!! And if anyone was to get her a gift...which if you did she would be overjoyed and not to mention love you forever - because she loves - I mean loves gifts. And also she would want CDs, if anyone was to get her anything...just so that you are all informed...
Anyhow, I love you all...especially you Paige...
I mean - you all have a great day. I appreciate all and everyone of you.

Love forever and always.

Megan.


Moral of the day:

Be a team player.

I dream of the day that you know more to me than just my name.
A hope builds up in my heart that you will see me,
Notice me,
And will some day know me.
And I can know you.
And I can feel you.
Touch you inside and out.
We can be one,
You and I,
In this painful world,
We can be one person.
Because it has occurred to me that we already are.
We just need to find each other.
Or, at least, rediscover one another.
Then there will be a truth.
There will be a reality.
That neither can handle.
But both so passionately desire.
Our hearts bound together.
And I can hold you
Once and for all.

It is so bleak out.

The sky is dark, and the trees that lonesomely loam outside the window are calling me...
The wind blows, and a ghostly hum breaths through the cracks in the window pane. It is dreary. My life is drained when I am alone. I finally find the time to dwell on the thousands of thoughts, the thousands of questions, the thousands of pains that engulf my mind. I am truly not alone. These thoughts haunt me. They absorb me. They work their way under my skin, and crawl around, making me as uncomfortable as they possibly can. Intentionally inconsiderate. Maybe the lonesome trees that sway and I will find a solace together. We can find a peace in the emptiness. Because of our mutual understanding.
So I sit in the rain. Incoherent. Emotionally numb. Because my mind will not allow me to rest.

I sit.

In the rain.


Numb...

Where did you go, my friend?
Where did you leave your heart?
Because these days your eyes look tired,
And your smiles have faded.
I remember your eyes...
I remember...
You loved life,
And found the time to live it.
All those days where you laughed.
Play in the rain with me...
Sleep in the sand...
Love what you have,
And know that it will get better.
You are too precious of a person
Too precious of a spirit
To leave
Or fade.
So be here-
With me,
And live...

A little bit of rain won't hurt
A little bit of sun
To shine on me
It lets me see
That together we are one

Some sleep to cure insomnia
Some tears to rinse my eyes
Your hand to hold
To warm my cold
And I see the silver skies

A few leaves float to the ground
A few drops of rain that fall
Onto my face
Let's leave this place
And I am comforted after all.

smells like burning skin
hold the match as long as you can
till it hurts
let it burn
till it scars
let it burn
till you bleed
let it burn

searing flesh
this once so hollowed body
this once so hollowed mind
a coincidence of fate
ironically placed
in
my
mind
my
thoughts
my
dreams
my world
of hope that comes when it pleases
and leaves every chance it gets
ungrateful visitor
fuck you

scathing skin
blistering bleeding, red
...It burns...
to black
let it bleed
destroying nerves
feeling no pain
melting skin
and I feel no pain
scarred
numb
tired and bleeding
bleeding
___________

forever scarred
and...
I feel nothing...

I have ahd 5 hours of sleep in the past 50 hours. It's 2:45 on Sunday morning. If you get my drift. I must sleep. I feel all alone.