Today, I tried to sit down. And I couldn't. Today, I tried to reach for a styrafoam glass. And I couldn't. Today, I tried to drink from a cup. And I couldn't. Today, I looked at my hand. And it was shaking shaking shaking shaking shaking...

It just wouldn't stop shaking. So, I flattened it out. I flattened it on the desk. And it stopped. Until I raised it again.

All I can think about these days. Are the sedatives. All I can think about these days. Are the intoxicants. All I can think about these days. Are the pacifiers. All I can think about these days. Are you. All I can think about... All I can think about...

Oh, life. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.




Fuck you.

five five five five five five five



don't ask why



don't ask me why



I just don't have to answers ready



I just can't see my own reflection



because it isn't there anymore



it's gone



just like me



just like me
just like me

It's 9 o'clock on a lovaly Monday night. I hope that everyone is doing well. My apollogies for not "blogging" sooner. My computer is on the fritz. I am at work at the moment. Listening to the song "sober", which, I will have you know, is presently my favorite song. I have a slight bit of a migraine. That's always a blast. I think that I will go to the dance, if before it I recieve some sort of sedative that will keep me from killing everyone there. I think that Lauren should go with Alex B. That would be awesome. My mind hurts for no appearent reason. I can't explain. Despite the fact that I am content, I am also very very confused. I don't know how to put in words how I feel, so I will just say that I ache. Because I do. Well, life is a crazy thing that I don't know how to deal with. I am at the crossroads. I don't know what direction I will chose to take. I say that in the sense that I don't know what road I will take, and I don't know what road I will chose. In the words of Robert Frost I desire to take the road less traveled. But on the other hand there are so many roads that I yearn to take opposed to that road less trodden. So...we will see how this unfolds. I feel like I am on the verge of something tremendous. Something that I don't even know about yet...whatever that means to you or me I am not sure. I don't like the notion of destroying my own body, but I am pretty good at it. Well, I don't know what else to say except I hope that you all will think of me when you think about ambiguous change and alteration. And I hope that you think of me when you think of someone who is lost. And I hope that you think of me when you think about all the stupid fucks that aimlessly roam this world without a purpose or a goal. Think of me - will you? Think of me.