Hmmm...I have found ever so recently that I really detest the feeling of being utterly exhausted, and yet not being capable of sleeping. Ah, I feel like absolute crap...Words can't describe this sickness. Hmmm...maybe I can sleep if I really try...I want to hurl.

A long time to sit
Think
Close my eyes
The images in my mind
The residue of you touch
From the night before
Still haunts me
Still calls me
And I have a craving

My eyes become lit
Blink
As my mind flies
Nothing left to find
Yet I need so much
I need more
I can see
I still see
This life is worth saving

KILL KILL KILL !!!

I have a hearty hankering to listen to Radiohead right now. Ashley Newlove just gave me a Christmas card. Why? I don't know her,nor invest my time or effort into her. Yet this time every year she gives me a card and a miniature candy cane. And done...

Wait...not so much done...

So, last night I went to bed at approximately 3:30 a.m.. I then proceeded to have the worst dream of my entire life. Let me elaborate... So, in this so-called dream I was at my cousin Carrie's house, which is in Arlington Woods in Rudolph (for those that care). Her home is in the woods, and when we were kids we would always make up stories about a crazy homeless man named Ditch-man Pete (whom I DO believe exists to this day). At any rate, Carrie and I were standing in her living room, and we heard the doorknob being turned. At this point in the dream I awoke partially, not entirely, so I was still sleeping, but awake and dreaming. I can't explain it. When, in my dream, I realized that there was a man trying to break into the house, my heart started to beat faster. Not just faster, but harder; a throbbing, beating pain in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I woke up completely and jolted out of my bed, grasping for air to fill my lungs. And that, my friends, was the most terrible, horrifying experience of my life. I can't describe to you in words how awful it was.

For a minute there I lost myself...

Why I breath?
Because of you.
The smoke that once capacitated my lungs,
It isn't crucial anymore.
Why don't you see for yourself ?
Look into my heart,
Pore over my soul.
Because it's here.
Waiting for your influence.
Eradicate this pain,
Divest me of this sorrow.
It's only you...
It's only you...

I decided to stay down here, in the library. Being away from Mrs. Dunn is bliss. So I will now refer to the library as Blisstopia. I spent about half of the period laughing at Puma Man on the MST3K website. Rapture. My head feels like it weighs 49.7 lbs., and my neck isn't nearly strong enough to support it. So, my head is cocked to the side, rather limply. Ah, well, the risk of severe spinal damage in my future I am willing to take. I have to go back to class to get my bowling-ball bag. Curses, foiled yet again. I am in dier (sp) need of sleep. Christmas break, Megan, Christmas break, just keep telling yourself that...Christmas break. I wonder where Emily is today. I don't remember seeing her in A.S. I really truly badly want to learn how to play the guitar. I want to write songs and be a musician. That would be overwhelmingly pleasurable and cathartic. Hmmm...seeing as my family has been so hell-bent on me figuring out what exactly I am to do with my life, maybe I should consider that. But they wouldn't approve. They would call it unpractical. Well, oh, well.

Damn-fucking-computer-shitface-poop-shingles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!